The Mashup:
Short Raising Teens Blog Entries. Opinionated. Grounded in Facts.

After the turn of the century in the United States, there has been a significant uptick in this behavior among children and teens. As parents, we must remember there is a fine line between wanting what's best for our teens and pampering, spoiling, or indulging. Understand that you are not doing them any favors by doing the hard things, physically or emotionally; it will only make it more challenging for them as they become more independent and are out on their own.

It makes it hard for your soon-to-be young adult teen to process challenging, problematic scenarios. Their knee-jerk reaction is to want Mom and Dad to come and fix it because that is what they are familiar with, how they were raised, and what makes them the most comfortable.

Suppose a parent goes overboard, mollycoddles, and overindulges them, saying the hell with it. Whether it's for selfish reasons like their kid is getting on their nerves or throwing a temper tantrum and just needs them to chill out a bit—or alternatively, the parent wants to do it as a form of setting them up for success because they can get it done quicker, ensuring their kid has the quickest and simplest path to success. In that case, they are doing them absolutely no favors except setting them up for failure.

Not to get it twisted, parents should always be there to HELP their children and teens in whatever capacity they require to grow and develop, but mollycoddling is not helping. Simply ensuring we are being there for our children and teens and supporting them in their needs is quintessential parenting.

The critical difference between being a great parent, being there, and supporting teens, compared to a parent who feels the need to mollycoddle, is knowing when to back off. Ask yourself: Can my child figure out how to do this themselves now that I've shown and helped them? -or- They are down on their luck, and time will heal all things with a bit of wisdom; am I preventing them from moving on by dwelling on it with them and trying to fix it, or am I fostering positivity and encouraging them to look to the future and the potential to come?

Parents must maintain vigilance, pushing and guiding teenagers towards independence while teaching positive, responsible choices for when the time comes—and mom and dad aren't there to help. When the training wheels are taken off, becoming young adults, those young adults must be ready—or face failure as a parent. Remember, when children and teens are mollycoddled, it becomes clear and evident as they grow older. Their maturity level will appear stunted because their parents have taken the bulk of the harder, more responsible choices off their shoulders throughout the years.

Whether it is mental or physical, there is no need to ever mollycoddle. It will only hinder your child's growth as they age, become a teenager, and as they continue becoming young adults. Being a parent is not easy; it's all about bending without breaking and knowing when too much of a good thing is too much. It is a subtle art where you will never reach perfection, but I promise if you keep striving, that will be more than enough, and you can sleep easy knowing you are doing it right!