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written by: Jacasa Currie
editing and proofreading reviewed by: Daniel Currie
Let's welcome Blooming Thoughts Blogs, Jacasa, and her inspiring perspectives, with her first post of many to come here in Guiding Teenagers!
Last week we looked at understanding how to support gay teens. This week, we take a look at the point of view of a teen themselves. Let’s take a look at a conversation I had with a teen close to me. I asked her 10 questions, all pertaining to her life as a lesbian teen. Let’s take a look at her experiences and perspectives.
For this week's blog, we are focusing on acceptance, specifically for the LGBTQ+ community. I took the time to interview someone very close to me who is a lesbian teen. She weighed in on some questions that I feel can be helpful to parents of teens who have come out and teens themselves. I myself am bisexual, but I have never really officially come out to family or anyone who has not accepted that, so I did not feel fit to answer said questions.
Take a look at how this teen spoke out about her experiences.
1. How did coming out change your life?
As someone who took a long time to fully come out due to the unfortunate backlash of it, it was a very frustrating and long process because it changed the way people view and interact with me. It was much easier for people around me to accept me when I was out, and fitting in was already difficult as I was a quiet kid. So, for a very long time, I hid my feelings and only came out to close friends and family as it made it easier for me to get around in a socially strict environment where you had to fit in with the other kids at school or else you didn't belong. But soon, that started to weigh on my own personal relationships, and it became so frustrating to try and fit in while trying to be myself around my partner. Eventually, I stopped caring about how others felt about my sexuality and instead worried about the people who have my back rather than the ones who don't. In turn, I've found my core group of people who understand and accept me and have helped me flourish as a person.
2. When you came out, were there people who did not approve, and how did you deal/cope with that?
When I first came out, I, unfortunately, dealt with a lot of backlash, and there were a lot of people, and still are a lot of people, who don't accept me. For a while, it really did get to me and caused me to recede angrily back into the closet to try to fit back in and regain popularity in my school, as I became a social reject. Slowly, over the years, I began to realize that it was more taxing for me to pretend to be someone for everyone's benefit rather than actually enjoying my life. Soon, my frustration towards those who didn't accept me turned into determination to try and educate those who are willing to understand and make up for wrongdoings in the past. Now, I aspire to enjoy every second with my partner and pave a better world for people I care about. I simply live my life and mind my business, just as I wish others could.
3. What challenges do you face daily?
Being that I am still a student, bullying is very prominent and still a large issue that I deal with on a near-daily basis. Simply holding my partner's hand, being of the same sex, causes us to be followed, jeered at, and mocked. Although it irritates me, and I want to snap back, instead, I laugh it off and keep enjoying my time with my partner as I planned to do before an encounter. There are very few public spaces where I can be affectionate with my partner without being confronted, which is frustrating as it's only one of the inconveniences that are thrown at us.
4. What do you wish that the people who are not allies could understand?
I wish people who don't accept would understand that sexuality is like a sandwich. I personally prefer ham on my sandwich and I don't like turkey on my sandwich. My close friend prefers turkey and doesn't like ham. It would be silly to hate my friend for liking turkey because that's their preference, and it's truly not that big of a deal. I don't need to forced my friend to like ham, because they simply don't like ham and might never like it. Not everyone has to like ham; that's why likes and dislikes are something we dive into our early years so we have a better understanding when we're older. Personal preference differs in everyone, not everyone is going to like the same thing. So, in all, you don't have to agree with someone's sexuality, but it's a huge waste of your time to create an issue or hate someone because you don't agree with them. Instead, spend time on something meaningful like family or making the world a better place around you and the people you care about, or build a rocket if you want.
5. In your opinion, what does it mean to be an ally?
An ally, I feel, is someone who simply accepts those around them for who they are regardless of race, sexuality, gender, religion, etc. I personally feel its very simply to become an ally, even as someone who previously wronged another because of who they are. As long as you can learn to understand and accept those around you and strive to correct and prevent wrongdoings from happening again.
6. What advice can you give to someone who is afraid to come out?
Take your time, and don't push yourself to do something that puts you in an uncomfortable position. You don't have to lie to the world about your sexuality, but you don't have to tell anyone, either. Your love life is for you and future partners to worry about, so everyone else in between doesn't have to know anything. Of course, if you're in a dangerous situation and your parents or guardian needs to know details to help you, be sure to know your trusted adults and only say what your comfortable with and what will help you in this situation. Once or if you're ready to finally step out of the closet, take a deep breath and remember that it could be a long road ahead, but as long as you have people you can rely on and a determination to live your life freely, you really will be okay, and you will learn to just do your own thing and live your best life while you're still young.
7. How do you figure out who you are? What advice can you give to someone who is trying to figure out their sexuality?
When I was young, I never really understood the concept of relationships, and I didn't understand dating or relationships. I viewed relationships and friendships to be at an equal status, and I never felt that spark between anyone I'd been with, which at that point, was only males. Eventually, upon being introduced to new people, I met a girl. We started dating, which, before then, I didn't even think about as an option. I began to realize I was attracted to women.
For a while, I considered myself bisexual because I felt I could be with a man if I really tried, but after many years, I considered how I would feel in different situations or aspects of a relationship depending on what gender I was with. After a very long time of debating how I would feel, I realized that I wasn't comfortable being in a relationship with a man in more aspects than one.
On the other hand, my attraction towards women grew. I found more comfort in women than I did in men, and I tried and failed with my dating life for a bit until I met one of my best friends. I felt an overwhelming desire to be by her side, and I then found the spark I'd never felt before. I was just incredibly happy just to hear her voice. We got together and had some hiccups along the way, but despite that, my love for her never changed, but my attraction grew by the second. Being with her confirmed my identity, and since I have felt very strongly that I am attracted to women.
8. Do you think that sexuality is linked to mental health?
In a way, yes? I don't feel my mental health had much effect on my sexuality, but instead, I do feel my sexuality has had an impact on my mental health.
9. If yes, how so?
The stigma towards being gay impacted my self-image, and I eventually began to feel wrong for loving the people I loved. It began to weigh on me and impact my relationships before I regained control of myself.
10. What advice can you give someone who is struggling with their mental health due to backlash from coming out?
Take your time! It's okay to go back in the closet and come back out when you're ready again. If you're ready but still suffering from backlash, explore yourself and your sexuality, find like-minded people, and find your support group. It can be friends, family, coworkers, whoever makes you feel comfortable to be yourself. Finding people who can support your through difficult times are crucial pushing through and handing backlash. They should motivate you to be yourself and raise you up when you feel unaccepted.
In Conclusion
After reading these responses over and over, I feel evermore certain that this blog is important and feel the need to reach many people with it. These days, no one should have to hide who they are. They should be allowed to be who they are and be accepted. But there will always be people who choose not to accept them. So, all we can do is help support our teens through that backlash and to support them as a person. It can be scary to come out, and even if we don't understand or accept it, they should still feel loved no matter what.
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Originally Written on: June 26, 2024