Teenage Ambition v. Parental Desire

This Thanksgiving week, I wanted to express my appreciation to all of you who read these blogs and have subscribed to the blog articles. We wouldn't be here without you. If this is your first read, feel free to skim through other posts, like, share, and subscribe to get notifications when the newest articles drop! Enjoy the mashup, where it is opinionated but always grounded in facts!

I want to throw out a story about when my daughter finally became a teenager and the experiences that came with it, how I felt as a parent, and how to power through the rough times. Like most dads, Daddy's little girl for life is how I wanted it to be, but I learned that teenage girls have different plans quickly.

I remember the day my daughter turned 13. I was excited for the new transition to finally have a slightly older girl, officially a teen, that I could have fun with being the immature father my wife insists I am. But as the years went by, I found myself becoming more and more frustrated with her. She was always on her phone, never did her chores, and seemed to have no interest in anything other than her friends and social media.

One day, after a particularly frustrating argument, I decided to step back and really think about what was happening. I realized that I had been focusing so much on what she wasn't doing that I was missing out on all the good she was doing.

I decided I needed to sit her down and have a heart-to-heart with her. You know, to clear the air and let her know how much I truly appreciated her. I thanked her for being kind and thoughtful in her own way, always being there for her friends, and goofing off with me, even if it wasn't as much anymore. I told her I was proud of her and loved her more than anything in the world. Needless to say, she was surprised but grateful for what I had to say. We hugged and told each other we loved each other, and our relationship couldn't have been better since.

Did anybody reading this catch I used the word "story" in the opening sentence? Yeah, it was a story. Nothing more than a fairy tale with a happy ending. In the real world, young teens are programmed to push the limits in search of individuality and happiness. They will do things we disapprove of, disappoint us, and even hurt us—whether they realize it sometimes or not. That is part of growing up, and that is how they learn.

If that is how they learn, am I saying it makes it all right, and they should continue to do whatever they want regardless of how we feel just because they are "programmed" to? Hell no, it's not right. We stay right on them by disciplining them as necessary for mistakes they make. That's how they learn. If they do the wrong thing again in the future, they will know it isn't right (with the reason why), and they have to weigh the "freedom of will" vs. the consequence. The choice is always up to them. It is up to us parents to educate and guide them in the right direction. If they fall, it's crucial to help them back up and never give up on them. Eventually, as they mature and become young adults, they will begin to remember your teachings over the years, be humbled by them, and learn from them once and for all—just as you did!

Indeed, our teens will always give us gray hair or cause it to fall out with their fierce quest for independence and happiness. Remember, though, they wouldn't be who they are without your presence, love, guidance, and inability to give up on them. By the same token, without them, you wouldn't be who you are. When a person can have that much influence on another, we describe that as a side effect of love. Let your teen know you are thankful for them this holiday season, even if you don't get the fairy tale ending (I sure didn't!). Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!